When All Hell Breaks Loose.

Why is it that when things start going well for you, life finds a way to screw it up?

This time, life, I shall have no part in it. I’ve rebuked the devil, prayed about my worries, and fully fucking intend to continue living my life, striving for my dreams every single day, no matter what.

Today, out of nowhere, I was contacted by my exboyfriend, whom I haven’t spoken to in quite some time. He offers up a heroin dealer to me. I’m sure he has some ulterior motive or great idea that involves me driving him around or buying him drugs. Not this time, buddy.

The thing is, though, that while I have the good sense not to completely screw myself over (again), I’m still really bothered by the fact that it even happened.

Hearing from him makes me sick. I don’t mean that in the way that I’m disgusted by him (although I am); I mean that he still has a terrible hold over me — even in a physiological way. It hurts me in a way that rattles me to my core and makes my stomach turn on itself.

He is my gateway or portal into the world where I used to live. The one where I cared about no one but myself. No, the one where I didn’t even care about myself. It’s time to shut that door for good.

Although there will always be a part of me that is tempted to go back to that life, there’s a bigger, stronger part of me now that refuses to fall into that trap. I am stronger.

To those out there who may be suffering from addiction — keep fighting. Always keep fighting.



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